I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
