I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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