New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
