I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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