Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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