There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
