I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
