sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
