In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
