uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
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every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
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When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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