nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize