omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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