If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just found a bag of teeth...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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