I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
as a side note pls kill me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
