By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
