I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Drunk is not a location!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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