were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
