in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
