your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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