i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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