Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize