i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
