hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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