My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
