If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
