I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
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