I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
