How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
this boner is exhausting
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
