I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
