so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
