too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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