I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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