I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
