I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
if only i could text you this smell
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
