My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
