I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Your cock deserves a montage
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
