yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
