my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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