just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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