His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
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i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
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Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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