i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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