I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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