question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
