I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
