Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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