i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize