porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
