so that wasnt chicken after all
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
