i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
