I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i just had sex bonerless
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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