im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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