I wanna bring you to show and tell
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
