ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
