So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
