Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
