dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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