I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
