Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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