i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
