I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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