they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
