he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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