areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
