it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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