you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
