I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
