How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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