If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
