You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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