She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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