You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
