so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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