totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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